Miraculous Pizza ...


MAN  sits in pizzeria with pizza wrapped around his feet                       
WOMAN enters pizzeria
PIZZA GUY is behind the counter


PIZZA GUY [as WOMAN enters]
Welcome to Miraculous Pizza!

WOMAN
Thanks!  Do you have any specials today?  [notices MAN with pizza slices wrapped around his feet]  Whoa!  Dude!  Why do you have pizza slices on your feet?

MAN
When my Gout acts up, I just come to Miraculous Pizza.  Their slices have healing properties.

WOMAN [to PIZZA GUY]
Is that true?

PIZZA GUY
Of course!  Yeah!  It’s totally true.  [Gestures for WOMAN  to come closer, then whispers]  No, it’s not true.  At least not that I know of.  But what am I gonna do?  He’s my coursin.

WOMAN
Good point.  Well, I’ll take a classic Chicago slice.  Pepperoni. 

MAN
Pepperoni, huh?  Your Lumbago must be acting up.

WOMAN
Huh?

MAN
The classic Chicago Pepperoni.  That’s for Lumbago.  Also reduces pain and swelling due to Angina.

WOMAN
Okay... well...  I just eat it. 

MAN
Really?  Weird.

VOICEOVER
Miraculous Pizza.  It'll cure what ails ya'.

MAN [placing slices of pizza  inside the waistband of his shorts]
Ugh.  Rickets are really on fire today!  Oooh.  Mmm.  That feels good.  Yeah.  Mmm. 

VOICEOVER
Especially if you're hungry.

MAN [placing one last slice across his forehead]
And one for the Ague.

WOMAN
The old swamp fever, huh?

MAN
You work here or somethin'?

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