Mo-vember....
Since 2004, men have been growing mustaches during the month of November to raise awareness about prostate cancer. This is a good idea in certain obvious ways--people should think about prostate cancer. Men should get exams after the age of 40--I think that's the recommendation. But it's a bad idea in one clear way: it's gross. When you see a man sporting an especially bushy Mo-vember stache, you can't help but see, for a brief, horrible moment, his whole facial apparatus as a metaphor for the traditional prostate access point. You know what I'm saying. For a month every year, a whole world full of smiling face-anus assemblages. Here's what I propose: let's switch it up. Let's make August prostate awareness month, sponsored by Speedo. At the beach, mowing the lawn, walking the poodle in the heat of the afternoon, men can wear Speedos for prostate awareness. We can even sell special Speedos with a word across the butt, like... I dunno....