Idea for a Ritz Cracker commercial

Lights up on interrogation room, dim lighting except spotlight on SUSPECT 

SUSPECT is visibly afraid
DETECTIVE ONE is slick and intimidating
DETECTIVE TWO lurks in the background

SUSPECT
It was just cheese!  I swear to God!

     DET. ONE
Just cheese, huh?  Well then how do you explain this?!

DETECTIVE ONE reaches across the table and grabs SUSPECT’s shirt, revealing a big blobby white stain.

                        SUSPECT
All right.  All right.  It was squeeze cheese.

                        DET. ONE
Liar!  [sniffs stain]  Think I don't know what yogurt smells like? 

DETECTIVE ONE begins to throttle SUSPECT.

                        DET. ONE
Well you're wrong!  I DO know what yogurt smells like!

DETECTIVE TWO steps in, pulls DETECTIVE ONE back into his chair.

                        DET. TWO
Easy, big fella.  Easy.  Remember what happened last time.

                        DET. ONE
He got what he deserved.

                        DET. TWO
You pistol whipped him, sir.

                        DET. ONE
It was an accident.  And anyway, he was putting maple syrup on it.  Maple syrup on a Ritz Cracker, Johnny.  Someone’s gotta stop the madness!

LAWYER enters.  Slaps briefcase down on table.

                        LAWYER
All right, this dog & pony show is over. 

                        DET. ONE
Greibels.

                        LAWYER
That’s right, and this time I’m bringing you down, Schneider.

LAWYER opens briefcase.

                        DET. ONE
No!  No!  Close it!

                        LAWYER       
Try it, Schneider, or it’s back to rubbing Chief Nickerson’s bunions.

LAWYER takes a ritz cracker and a container of vanilla yogurt out of the briefcase, spreads yogurt on cracker, hands cracker to DETECTIVE ONE, who eats it, and begins sobbing.

                        DET. ONE
It’s good!  It’s so good!

                        VOICEOVER
Ritz Crackers and anything.  So good it just feels wrong.

                        DET. ONE
[still sobbing]  It's just so goddamn good!

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