Miraculous Pizza ...

MAN  sits in pizzeria with pizza wrapped around his feet                       

WOMAN enters pizzeria

PIZZA GUY is behind the counter

PIZZA GUY [as WOMAN enters]

Welcome to Miraculous Pizza!

WOMAN

Thanks!  Do you have any specials today?  [notices MAN with pizza slices wrapped around his feet]  Whoa!  Dude!  Why do you have pizza slices on your feet?

MAN

When my Gout acts up, I just come to Miraculous Pizza.  Their slices have healing properties.

WOMAN [to PIZZA GUY]

Is that true?

PIZZA GUY

Of course!  Yeah!  It’s totally true.  [Gestures for WOMAN  to come closer, then whispers]  No, it’s not true.  At least not that I know of.  But what am I gonna do?  He’s my coursin.

WOMAN

Good point.  Well, I’ll take a classic Chicago slice.  Pepperoni. 

MAN

Pepperoni, huh?  Your Lumbago must be acting up.

WOMAN

Huh?

MAN

The classic Chicago Pepperoni.  That’s for Lumbago.  Also reduces pain and swelling due to Angina.

WOMAN

Okay... well...  I just eat it. 

MAN

Really?  Weird.

VOICEOVER

Miraculous Pizza.  It'll cure what ails ya'.

MAN [placing slices of pizza  inside the waistband of his shorts]

Ugh.  Rickets are really on fire today!  Oooh.  Mmm.  That feels good.  Yeah.  Mmm. 

VOICEOVER
Especially if you're hungry.

MAN [placing one last slice across his forehead]
And one for the Ague.

WOMAN
The old swamp fever, huh?

MAN
You work here or somethin'?

From My End Times Dictionary

From "Doom"

Doom is the law book of King Alfred the Great, circa 900 CE.  This book is so awesome that the Ten Commandments are the preface.  That would be my blurb for it: "this book is so awesome that...." Doom means something like “law” or “judgment” to King Alfred because language evolves over time.  Wikipedia provides the example “Doom very evenly!  Do not doom one doom to the rich and another to the poor!”  King Alfred rated honesty pretty highly: “if he belie himself and be slain, let him lie uncompensated,” and it’s ironic that I get a very doomy image from that of a big red-bearded Viking guy lying in the mud, bleeding out from a sword wound, blinking his last blinks knowing that no one has prayed for him in the way you need to be prayed for if you’re going to heaven.  And the camera pans out up into the sky and into our solar system and our galaxy and our universe, but the heavy string music continues over top of all of it because my capacity for imagining stuff is afflicted with the sappy conventions of my time (as if Viking heaven required beseeching prayer—I’m pretty sure Vikings just attacked and took over their heaven, which wasn’t even called heaven—it was called V-something—Valhalla—yes) which I cling to as if they had a merit I would someday defend to an Art Critic God.  “Those were great accomplishments,” I’d say to this God.  “You have to concede the skill and dedication to craft.  Some of those viola runs are incredibly technical.” 

Predator: The Musical Invades Earth

Roundhouse Productions Presents the World Premiere of Predator: The Musical

July 15 - August 13, 2011

New Rock Theater, Chicago, Illinois, USA, Earth

Written by David Krump, William Stobb, and Will Bulka

Directed by Derek Elstro

Music by Will Bulka

Tickets at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/, keyword "Predator the Musical"

 

July 15 - August 13, 2011

New Rock Theater, Chicago, Illinois, USA, Earth

Fridays and Saturdays at 9:30 PM

Based on the 1987 Film Predator, but re-imagined and re-booted with original words and songs. A special operations team, sent on a covert mission in the jungle, encounters a seemingly unstoppable force, determined to hunt and kill them all.  The action-packed race for survival features a soundtrack ranging from early punk rock to R & B. Predator: The Musical flips both modern musicals and film-to-stage adaptations on their heads making this production one of a kind.  

Featuring:

Lance Newton (Dillon)

Glenese Hand (The Predator)

Tracie Dahlke (Blaine)

Nate Card (Poncho)

Reginald Vaughn (Mac)

Tom McGuane (Hawkins)

Cody Evans (Dutch)

Adam Michaels (Billy)

Laura Savage (Anna)

Nicky Hilsen (Dutch’s Grandson)

Andy Bolduc (Grampa Dutch)

Emily Sharp and Dean Beever (Ensemble)

TICKETS:

$15 and available at www.brownpapertickets.com and at the door.